The Battle that almost every Indian fights.

There comes a time in every Indian’s life when your parents pop the question “How about we get you married now?”

The typical time this happens is a couple of months after you get a job and have started paying off your bills. There could be various versions, but the most common one goes like this.

Your parents went to attend a wedding of a close friend/relative; they “accidentally” bumped into the parents of this girl/guy, who “accidentally” happened to be there. Described to be very smart, independent, capable and pretty.

Before you know it, you have pictures in your mailbox, phone calls from strange people and all your extended family thinks you are engaged. What fascinates me is the fact that all this happens before you get a chance to react.

Personally, the most interesting part of this whole process is when the parents love the girl/guy they “accidentally” met at the wedding and for whatever reason, you don’t subscribe to their opinion.

Given that parents have at least a 20 odd year edge over their kids in terms of experience, they have over the years collected a multitude of weapons. Just like the cops say “Anything you say may be used again you” anything you comment on will be interpreted the way the parents want to.

Once the kid has decided to not pursue the person his/her parents liked so much, the war begins. It starts slow, hints, suggestions, comparisons and such. When this yields no result, things get a little hotter. Discussions about your future, money, kids and in the case of a guy love of food and lack of cleanliness become the topic of every meal/phone call/email. Every topic discussed, somehow loops back to the person your parents liked. Most logical conversations are given a logical answer and that is something parents do not like. When met with the lack of success, they proceed to use the next biggest weapon in their arsenal.

The worst of them all, the birds and the bees talk. Honestly, I can tolerate the “You never can clean up after yourself” and the “You can never eat properly” talk. Not a problem, bring it on and while you are at it, get me a side order of “You can never manage your money”. But not the birds and the bees talk, no way Jose.

If you have seen The Ramayan or The Mahabaratha on TV, what I am about to describe will make a lot of sense. On TV the battles in these epics were filmed in a very special way. The Villan would shoot an arrow that would do something crazy, like split itself into a hundred arrows or have a fire thrower at the leading edge. The hero would shoot an arrow that would negate the villans arrow, when they meet each other halfway.

The discussion with your parents will be/ would have been similar. One side will throw up an arrow which will be met by the other side and the effect will be negated. This process will continue until someone throws a very powerful topic in there, that will forever change the face of the discussion and end it once for all. If you do not have such a topic, now is the time to start the search and if you are a lazy ass like me, be prepared, you are going to get plenty tired, coz things have just started my friend.

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